I've been sitting contemplating my life as a whole. And I must say I have had some interesting things happen to me. I've met some really great people some not so good but that's the way life flows.
I say flows because goes is just too boring. I look at it more like a river you have twists and turn, fast times and slow time, turbulent and calm times.
It's 10:30 in the morning and I'm smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer these thoughts rush to me.
Things like remember the time when...
Or dude that shit just happened...
I've been through some shit in my life that make me who I am today. I appreciate the things I work for but I don't let those items define me as a person. My experiences define me.
Listening to a random guy screaming because the "friends" I was with decided it would be fun to just beat the shit out of some random passer by.
The way it feels to be in a stolen car being chased by police and getting away. Saying fuck you Newark Police.
Snorting heroin for the first time and knowing it would be my last time.
Now a lot of people don't know these things about me, they see a guy who is just there. I have done a lot of dirt in my life and I have has the fortitude to attempt to outgrow it.
I mean don't get me wrong I have some of the tendencies still. The point is that I fight those everyday. I am a product of my environment but I have evolved sort of like a version 2.0.
I decided a long time ago that my personal growth was more important than just being a product. I will not let myself get caught up in those fucking self destructive thoughts.
I am not what you can call a success story because I am still living with the choices I made when I was younger. Everyday I wake up I say man maybe just maybe...
Now here ladies and gentlemen is what I call a philosophical paradox. I don't want to change what I have been through because fuck it I am who I am love me or leave me, but there are some choices I do think about making differently.
Those are the consequences I live with on a daily. Do the choices we make now truly affect the future? Of course they do. Just think for a second all the times you thought maybe I should do this instead of that. Yet we as humans choose what feels good at the moment because instant gratification is an amazing feeling. Fuck it one more beer, one more hit off this blunt or I'm just gonna stick my dick in this random chick. It can even be even something like I'm not going to go to class today or work. Man the stories I could tell you about deciding to cut class and not worry about that shit cause it's just whatever.
I am who I am so fuck you if you don't like me no big deal. I live for me not you.
The one thing I ask though is remember that the one choice you make now could be the one that changes your life in a dramatic way. It may be instant, it may take a while to manifest itself but it will come back.
RoX over and out.
