The beauty of sunrises and sunsets.
Creating a finished product from an idea.
Reaching enlightenment.
Seeing chaos all around and seeing the beauty in it.
I want coffee. But I hate it.
Drink more water. 1 liter already before 8 am.
Work on a design.
I would love to create my own font.
Be able to answer some of my own questions.
I am actually fearing less.
I should learn illustrator.
5 hours is the perfect amount of sleep.
I hate loud beeping noises.
RoX over and out.
Broad generalizations aside one can say I'm easy to please. Not much to it really. I try to treat people well. And to be honest I expect the same in return. Maybe that's my problem is the expectation. I do things because I want to, not for some need to or because it's expected. I just do.
I have come to show my feelings more this year. A renewed passion if you will. Yes there are things that I have always been passionate about but this year has been very different for me.
I am letting go. All of these walls that I have built up over the years I am breaking down. I am opening myself up to love, happiness, hatred, joy and sadness.
I have always carried sadness with me. My fears, insecurities and doubts. Many bouts with suicidal thoughts. Slowly but surely fighting against them.
I am learning that these feelings are natural and not just happening to me. We as people all have these feelings and are prone to dwell on one more than others. I think we also tend to shut down more.
One thing I've learned above all is to fight more. Not to give in. No need for quitting, facing my fears has been tough but also necessary to becoming a better person. Not in the general I would like world peace way but just having peace.
This is my path to enlightenment. My thoughts manifesting themselves into action. Finding all of the beauty within the chaos in myself, everyone around me and the world.
Man I'm exhausted. The past four days have worn me out. Between all of the writing, thinking and sleeplessness I am done. Today was all about finishing a story I started yesterday and deep thought. I think my mind has become more cohesive this year. As a chaotic thinker, now I am able to think about philosophies that have always seemed to escape me.
Now I think in terms of futures, feelings and how it does or doesn't relate to logic. And this is good news because I can have conversations that I felt uncomfortable having before. I'm able to express feelings that I didn't know I could express. Yeah this is new territory for me but I'm trying to tone down and become more focused.
I'm almost there.
Our choices are always 50% chance.
If we always knew the outcome then they wouldn't be chances.
It would be something that's written in some random book of facts.
Giving yourself freely to someone is a tough choice.
You never know what it's going to entail in the long run.
The old leap of faith as I said.
I've taken it with you.
And I have landed just fine.
I'm waiting for you.
I'll be there to catch you.
Ever love to the point of sheer exhaustion?
I have.
To the point where I feel like everything is at stake.
I guess I could get tired and give up.
That memory of the way the sun was shining through your hair as you told me you love me is all the fuel I need.
That is my energy
My determination to keep fighting for you.
I am human
And I hurt
I kept telling myself
It's going to be fine
I keep thinking hey you know
She is better off without you
I keep saying man, you will move on
But doesn't one have to want that for it to happen?
Whatever happened to bring able to stop you in your tracks just by saying I wanted to kiss you?
The idea of lying in bed with one another just holding each other?
Where those thoughts just thoughts or were they meant to be real one day?
I still want that.
But there lies the true sorrow.
I want that.
Dedicated to life's soldiers who need to fight for something against all odds and all doubts and fears. Love will carry you through. Fight for what you believe in, for what you love and what brings you passion even if you die trying.
Jolted awake by a siren the soldier is grabbing his gear
He knows this is another day in this long war
He is ready for anything
At least he tells himself
He heads out
Ready to wage war
Blood boiling
Adrenaline flowing like a river
He sees the enemy
He is outnumbered and knows it
He hides
Trying to think of a plan
He makes a noise
He knows it's over
He is instantly surrounded
Captured he begins to weep
His captors torturing
Decimating
Taking him to the brink of him giving up everything
They leave him
He holds on to a thought
He can get away
He takes the chance and flees
His escape in front of him
He's running but something stops him dead in his tracks...
Jolted awake by a siren the soldier is grabbing his gear
He knows this is another day in this long war
He is ready for anything
At least he tells himself
He feels as if he's done this before
He heads out
Ready to wage war
Blood boiling
Adrenaline flowing like a river
He sees the enemy
He is outnumbered and knows it
He hides
Trying to think of a plan
He makes a noise
He knows it's over
He is instantly surrounded
Captured he begins to weep
His captors torturing
Decimating
Taking him to the brink of him giving up everything
They leave him
He holds on to a thought
He can get away
He takes the chance and flees
His escape in front of him
He's running but something stops him dead in his tracks...
Jolted awake by a siren the soldier is grabbing his gear
He knows this is another day in this long war
He thinks this is becoming a nightmare
I'm reliving this same scenario
Over and over
He heads out
He sees his enemies
He's outnumbered
He hides
He thinks of s plan
He says fuck it
If I'm going to die
I'm going to die fighting
He stands
And opens fire...
