It's about 4:30 in the morning.
Here we are, hanging out on my porch after a long night of partying. As we light up our cigarettes you guys choose coffee and I go for an energy drink. An idea has struck me and I catch myself saying out loud:
“Where does all the time go?”
"Oh man. Really, you're not one those people that have epiphanies when they are coming down, are you?" you ask.
"He totally does seem like that," your friend points out with a chuckle.
"I'm really not," I insist.
"I'm just talking"
"Why are we here? Where does the time go? What is the meaning of life?" you follow your friend's vibe.
I take a long drag. The swirl of cigarette smoke gets into my eyes, making me squint. I blow the smoke out and say
"Life has no meaning."
The Wind Cries Mary is playing softly in the background.
"Oh no, here we go," you say.
"What, I can't make a statement? Life has no meaning man, life is a long series of events. All of these philosophers and great thinkers have this question that needs to be answered not knowing that living is the meaning. You were born alone you will die alone. The stuff in between is subjective. You meet a few people in your life that you will like, a few you will hate. Maybe meet the love or loves of your life. Have some great sex, have some bad sex. And all of it is subjective. You will work and play sometimes love one the other or both. None of it matters in the end. Everyone wants to make life's meaning overly complex and why?
So they can carry on about something, anything that fills them with some sense of self. News flash, you are as insignificant as a particle of dust in the ozone layer. Think about how often you wish your life was more meaningful and yet your life isn't bad. You want more and more, but none of it makes a difference. You may have kids, you will live for them but when all is said and done how much true meaning does your life have? Yes you have a family, or not. Does it truly make the meaning of life mean more than what you have in front of you? You exist. Be happy with that. You have the things you have now and the things you will acquire in the future. It is all subjective. Live your life and don't waste it thinking about the meaning of it all, it will escape you and you will lose track of what is happening around you. And you know what that is? That is life. Right in front of you," I rant.
"You know what? You have had entirely too much to drink. You are talking all of this mess of words and clearly not thinking about it," you say.
"What do you mean not thinking about it? What did I say that is so wrong and not thought out?" I question.
I take another gulp of my Red Bull, wincing at the taste.
The smell of that candy-flavored concoction mixes itself with cigarette smoke and coffee essences in the air. So thick it can choke mortals but not us. Not tonight anyway. Conversation and inebriation are too strong to stop us.
"What about having kids? You truly do live for them and they do define you. That's just something crazy to say," the other says.
"No, what I said was at the end what does it matter. There is a clear distinction over what is happening during life and what its meaning is. I could say I purchased this house and I live in it for 35 years but when I die is it me? Was that or any other experience I have had going to give me meaning at the end? You go from being pushed out of a hole to being put into another. That's life. The rest is window dressing to entertain ourselves while we await our death," I tell them in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Window dressing? So being in love, attaining goals or making something beautiful is just window dressing?" you ask puzzled by the things I am saying.
"Of course it is. They are mere events that happen. Your life is a book: you start it, you finish it. What's the big mystery? Cover to cover baby, nothing else. Think of it this way. Paper will hold anything you write on it. Whether it's curses or bible you can try to find the meaning behind all that or continue to live how you want to without thinking about the fucking meaning of life. You can sweat the small stuff or you can savor what you have and what you are working towards. Remember when you die, that's it. The Big Nothing. What does brooding do to help you while you die? Is it wrong to think that way? I guess, if you want to get caught up in that. Not me though I am going to make my life as good as I can simply for pure enjoyment knowing none of this is coming with me or going to make me happy when I die." I say.
They are becoming dizzy through these small rants; I can tell. Maybe it's the fact that I'm talking really fast coupled with the amount of information I am giving them. Oh wait. It could be that they are finally succumbing to the smoke and that's making them sway. The glassy-eyed look is definitely on both of their faces. I'm going to think it's all of the information. It makes me feel better.
Written by Carlos
Edited by Lucienne
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